I started to build my Tribute to grandad today. In Sept it will be 5 yrs since his passing and the pain is still very fresh in my heart. I wish that I had seen him more while he was in hospital, but it upset me seeing him there and I didn't want him to see me upset, I just didn't think we would lose him. I know I need to start dealing with my pain in a healthy way and thanks to my partners help I'm going to start doing that. For anyone reading this who doesn't know my Grandad, he was a very funny man, he used to call me on my birthday to sing happy birthday and always called me christmas morning to see what "Santy" had bought me, even when I was 16. He unfortunately fell ill with a stroke in July of 2003, he slowly got better with lots of help from his kids, encouraging him to talk, and to keep using his arms and legs and the hospital released him home to be looked after by his family. He wanted to take us out for a meal to say thank you to everyone for helping him and unfortunately had another stroke in his bathroom at home whilst getting ready. He was then admitted to another hospital who neglected to take bloods until it was too late, he contracted septecemia and slipped into a coma and passed at 17:25 September 10th 2003 with his family around him. Once I said my goodbyes, I was unable to enter back into the hospital room, it hurt me too much, but my younger brother was a rock, he went back in and held Grandad's hand for over and hour. I was shocked and apalled at the ward sisters blasé attitude to my grandad's death. We heard her on her rounds chatting away on the phone to a colleague and she added "oh by the way, John Casey died at half five" like it was an everyday thing, which yes it is to her and her colleague, but to me and my family.. It isn't. I remember my mom calling me to tell me that Grandad was slipping away and my Dad would be collecting me from work to come and say goodbye. I was in shock. It couldn't possibly be true. The doctors were exaggerating. We would come home and grandad would be fine. I held his hand and told him that I loved him, while my nan told him that he kids were here with him now and if he wanted to let go he could. After he passed, I found out that he had untreatable bile duct cancer, it was a small consolation that he hadn't died to the indignities of cancer. My Grandad was my best friend, and I think of him every day. I carry his picture in my wallet and one in my car. I love you Grandad, Miss Mouse xxxx